Foyle: No More 31

Saying he wants to honor those who have gone before him, Orlando Magic center Adonal Foyle announced today that he will no longer wear number 31 in memory of Portland Trail Blazers' legend player Sam Bowie.

“When I think of Sam Bowie, I think of a guy like me – someone who was drafted high but never was able to fully demonstrate his gifts to the world,” Foyle told reporters in a Taco Bell parking lot near the team’s practice facility.

“I mean, without Sam Bowie, there would never have been an Alaa Abdelnaby, or a Duane Causwell, or an Adam Keefe,” Foyle said. “I’m starting a petition around the league to get other guys on board with this. Mikki Moore, Darko, Jerome James – hey, those guys all know the importance Bowie had to this league. We're all #31's little kids, you know? Growing up in the Grenadines, I had a huge poster of Sam on my wall – and I’m just living his dream now.”

While picking through the remains of a gordita supreme, Foyle dismissed questions about the meaningfulness of a player who has yet to get off the bench issuing edicts on uniform numbers.

“Hey, Sam didn’t get off the bench in the late 80s, either, but that doesn’t change how he impacted this league,” Foyle claimed. “When you think of guys with wrapped knees sitting on the end of the bench, you think of Sam Bowie, right? When you think of teams regretting wasted picks on useless big men, you think of Sam Bowie. I’d like to think I’m part of that tradition as well.”

NBA officials declined to comment when reached by email, and Orlando officials expressed surprise at both Foyle’s petition and the fact he’s still on the team’s roster.

“Honestly, I thought we had waived him during the summer,” a baffled GM Otis Smith told reporters. “I thought I saw him at the end of the bench last week, but I wasn’t really paying close enough attention. It’s nice to have Adonal around, I guess.”