In Our Dreams

We now join an episode of Judge Judy already in progress ...

JJ: So let me get this straight – according to an email from your friend Mr. Kneeland, you overpaid for your franchise, do I have that correct?

CB: Well, ma’am, it’s a bit more ...

JJ: Sir, you want to say something to me? Then say it. Did you overpay for your franchise or not?

CB: Yes, ma’am, that is correct. It was a rushed situation and that fella David kept pressuring me, and, well, I guess I just acted foolishly. But that shouldn’t ...

JJ: I didn’t ask for your cockamamie excuses why you acted like a fool. Remember, beauty fades, but dumb last forever. I just wanted to know if you, in fact, overpaid for your team. You answered yes. Now let’s move on. As I understand it, you’re telling me that the reason you couldn’t contribute any money to a new stadium is due to the fact you overpaid for the team. Is that correct?

CB: Yes, that would be correct.

JJ: So let me get this straight, because you acted like a teenage boy with too much allowance money, the taxpayers of Seattle are now responsible for paying hundreds of millions of dollars for a new arena?

CB: Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that, ma’am. You see, we’ve got plenty of other cities out there that want us to move in, and ...

JJ: Just what exactly does that have to do with the price of tea in China, sir? Are you telling me that you think you can extort Seattle taxpayers by using some other municipality? Is that what you are telling me?

CB: Well, you see, I really was a man possessed to get something done in Seattle, and ...

JJ: You mess around with me, young man, and I’ll wipe the floor with you. We already covered that “man possessed” bit before the last commercial, and I don’t think you want to take a drive down that road again, now do you?

CB: No, ma’am, I do not.

JJ: So, back to what I asking you before you tried to re-direct the conversation. The fact you wanted to pick this team up and move it to your backyard does not have anything to do with this case, do you understand that? What I am trying to ascertain here is if you are required to fulfill the obligations of the lease you signed with the city of Seattle. Now, according to testimony we heard earlier, you said that Oklahoma City would derive $180 million in benefits from the Sonics relocating there. Is that correct?

CB: Um, yes, yes, that is correct, I did say that.

JJ: And you told someone else that the city of Renton would receive an “economic turnaround” from having a new arena. Is that correct?

CB: Yes, ma’am, that is correct.

JJ: But you don’t feel that Seattle would receive any benefit from your presence? Is that what you want me to believe?

CB: Well, you see, Seattle is such a real big city, and I just don’t think they would miss the Sonics all that much.

JJ: Sir, don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining. That’s a nonsense argument and you know it. I’m going to ask you again, and I’ll remind you that you’re under oath, are you telling me that Oklahoma City and Renton would derive hundreds of millions of dollars in benefits from the Sonics, but that Seattle would get zippo? And because of that it’s all right for you to pick up and move the Sonics in the midst of a lease that you signed?

CB: Um, well ... let me check my papers, here ...

JJ: Hey, I’m the boss, applesauce! You keep your eyes up here! You know what, I’m tired of this. I can’t believe you’re wasting my time and the time of all of the people gathered here with this ridiculous case. I’m not even going to bother reviewing the rest so let’s just put an end to this nonsense once and for all. I’m finding for the city, and that’s the end of it.

CB: Um, your honor, do I get my $100 for showing up? Your producer, I think her name’s Jenny?, she told me I’d get $100 for being on the show. You see, my wife told me if I lost this case that I might as well get a hotel room ‘cuz of all the money this is costing us, and well, I could really use that $100 ...